Saying Goodbye to a Friend….

Hello Lovelies,

Saying goodbye is never easy, regardless of whether it's a momentary goodbye or an everlasting goodbye.  Sadly, I'm here to write about one of the saddest moments of my life.  Last Thursday, my beloved cat, Tinks, passed away.  Tinks, whose real name was once Princess was the greatest cat a person could ask for.  In fact, Tinks was more than a cat or a pet, she was my first friend and honestly one of the few that I could always count on.

I knew this moment was bound to come sooner rather than later but I always assumed this wouldn't of happened to my Tinks.  My Tinks had been through so much in her 22 years of life.  Funny thing about Tinks is we were never really sure how old she actually was.  See when we actually found Tinks, or should I say when Tinks found us, we assumed she was a kitten because she was so small.  My family and I had just moved to the town we still live in and it was a very stormy night.  My dad had driven his Corvette through a flood and parked the car in the detached garage.  Normally, these facts wouldn't be really important but all those facts lead to Tinks stumbling across our paths.  Through, some divine intervention my dads car had caught on fire and the garage was quickly going up in flames.  Tinks, or the little stray black cat was in the neighborhood and decided to alert us that the garage was on fire.  For being such a small cat she really had a set of pipes on her.  She meowed loudly enough that my dad got so annoyed with her that he went outside to try and get rid of this "annoying" cat.  Once my dad saw the fire, the annoying cat was quickly forgotten.  After some time, the fire was extinguished with minimal damage done to the car and the garage, my dad decided he would reward this cat with some tuna fish as a thank you for saving my family countless dollars.  This was the moment that Tinks decided she was going to stay with us and look after us.

I knew for some time that Tinks wasn't doing to well but I chose to ignore the fact that this could be my last moments with her.  I made sure that everyday I told her how much I loved her, just in case it was the last time I saw her.  However, I never thought Tinks would have died while I wasn't near her.  I've always heard that cats in the wild tend to go and hide when they are about to die because they don't want to burden their families.  Tinks is no different.  She waited until myself and my family went away on vacation.  I had heard she wasn't eating but I never expected the phone call saying that she died to have happened 4 days after I hugged and said "see you later!" It's been a week since she passed and I'm still struggling with feeling guilty because I wasn't there for her in her final moments.  I know for a fact I wouldn't of been able to handle that moment, but at least I would have gotten to say goodbye one last time.  I also would have told her how much she meant to me.  She was the only pet I've ever had and honestly I couldn't have asked for a better pet! She was purrfect, and I'm surely going to miss her.

As I write this I'd be lying if I didn't mention the fact that I am BALLING MY EYES OUT.  Today, was my first day home since she passed and I keep expecting her to jump up on my bed and snuggle with me.  Or when I was standing in the kitchen I kept looking down the hall waiting for her to come running down the hallway.  Not seeing her waiting on my bed when I got home broke my heart.  I'm no longer going to have her annoying little butt trying to back her butt into my lap trying to lay on my lap while I watched tv, or having her stick her poopoo paw into my food in hopes that she could steal some human food.  I'm really going to miss those moments, which is odd because whenever she did those things it would annoy the hell out of me, but now thinking about them just makes me smile.

Tinks da stinks, booboo kitty, evil shadow, stupid kitty, lala, tinkers stinkers, and most importantly Princess, I loved every moment we spent together.  You were truly the greatest gift i never asked for.   You set the precedent for all my future pets, and sadly I know that they will never measure up to you!

The last picture and moments spent with Tinks

22 years of friendship…. Thank you so much Tinks for always being there for me.  I can't believe you're gone but I know you're in a better place.  I know this isn't goodbye it's a see you later!

Where has the time gone

Hello Lovelies,

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of my lovely grandmothers passing.  My grandma was an incredible woman and I miss her everyday.  When my grandmother passed, it taught me to take advantage of each and every moment and live for the moment.  There were so many things I would have loved to have said to my grandmother but I never got the chance.

A picture of my grandmother from 1985

Recently, I was talking to one of my coworkers and we were talking about death.  Both her and I had different experiences with death.  Her father had a long battle with cancer and knew how long her father was going to live.  I unfortunately didn't have that luxury.  I remember the morning of November 21, 2010 like it yesterday.  I had gone to an amazing All Time Low concert the night before and stayed up really late talking to my friend.  When I woke the next morning I had 10 missed call from my mom and my house phone.  I instantly knew something was wrong.  I listened to the voicemail on my phone and could tell that my mom was upset in the message.  I tried calling my mom but she didn't answer so I called my house phone.  My dad picked up the phone and asked me if I had talked to my mom.  I told him no and he had to break the news to me that my grandmother had died.  I can honestly say that was the worst moment in my life.  I had seen my grandmother only 2 days prior and she was completely fine.  I couldn't believe she was gone.  When I had said goodbye to her, I didn't think that was the last time I would ever talk to her or even hear her voice.  My coworker and I have different views on death and which way is better.  Clearly, I would have liked to have known that my grandmother was going to pass and I would of had the opportunity to tell her how much I love her and how much she means to me.  Although, I didn't get the chance to tell her that, I hope that she's watching me from heaven and knows how much she inspires me everyday!

*Any one who is reading this needs to know that this is a deeply personal post and it is really hard for me to write this.  I'm actually bawling my eyes out while I'm writing this because I've bottled up my emotions about this for so long.  I miss my grandmother everyday but know her spirit is her with me.

My grandmother's high school yearbook picture.  I actually took this picture and have it displayed in my room

My grandmother's and I at Disney World

My grandmother and little baby me

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.  ~Author Unknown